Wednesday, August 31, 2011

With no warning, reliving heartbreak

I never thought that my heart could break like it did today, and the realization that it will be so much worse, is staggering.

My daughter is only eight years old, and has already experienced her first heartbreak. It seems so silly, when I actually type it, and re-read it. She is only eight, but the feelings and memories of how REAL those feelings are all came rushing back to me today.

"That rotten little boy", I thought. "How dare he choose Katie over my perfect Giovanna." How dare he put her through the feelings of being somehow, less.

This song has gotten to me from the first time I heard it, and I feel very secure in my marriage. It is the memory of past heartbreak, and the feelings that her immature little mind must be going through, and most certainly cannot decipher.

It occurred to me, as I was holding her, that this is just the tip of the iceberg. That our futures hold so many broken hearts, and so much pain. Not only from the rotten boys, from the lies that they will tell her, and what they will try to get from her that will multiply her pain, but from friends...self images...embarrassment...let downs...disappointment...

Now that I am so down in the dumps, the list seems longer than it is possible to convey in a little blog post. My baby is in real pain, and this hurts worse than any pain I have ever felt of my own.

But I try to find a positive. I try, with my mushy little weak heart, to be some kind of example for her when in reality I just want to his bad about this little boy. And the positive is this:
If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.
-- Mohandas K. Gandhi
We are strong women. We MAKE babies. We hold the world on our shoulders. The pain that each of us must endure, gives us this strength.
Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.
-- Katherine Dunham
Ladies, here's to holding it together for them

HERE's to the times of joy
HERE's to their smiles

Please comment with your stories, your babies stories, your fears and your tears. I will be letting mine go come bedtime!


Ciao Mama's said...

Boys just suck...:0(

jessicaclarke said...

I know what you mean I know it's not the same but the first time I saw another child be mean to my son and make him cry I almost started crying my self I felt so bad for him. I hope you are feeling better

AdventuresFrugalMom said...

It is bad when kids chose one over the other and it doesn't get easier as an adult. Hug that little girl of yours tight

Mare said...

awe...I am tearing up :( I don't want my daughter to go through any of the heartache that I did...luv the quotes!